Why I don’t think much of the Royal Family

Posted on June 2, 2012


History as people will tell you, tends to be written by the winners. The winners of battles on the military field, politically and of statistics by proxy. Britain in days of yore had their empirical battles of colonialism and imperialism that led to them dominant, in thrall to no-one of their standing on the world stage for a few hundred years.

It appeared that it might not be so much a United Kingdom as much as a United Empire. They won where it mattered. Therefore their influence and legacy of dividing and conquering lives on, though they don’t like to talk about it. After all, blood and gore for King/Queen and country is just so disdainful. It’s the way the British brought morality, sports, minding your P’s and Q’s and keeping your elbows off the dinner table that puts a nice spin that sticks. And how do we thank them? By way of a Commonwealth Games. Surely that’s one of the biggest piss takes in the history of mankind. Just to show that there’s no hard feelings for all the land grabs and looting of wealth.

Of course all empires have their downfall as Britain found out. All that she is left with these days is Gibraltar and the Falkland Islands amongst other small isles here and there. The latter of which is fair to say, hanging by a thread. The damage may have been done a long time ago, but the legacy still lives on to this very day. Let’s be honest: we’re in the Falklands why? Oh, the fact that there’s plenty of oil there. But the official line is that these are strategic interests Britain has. Even if it’s far closer in proximity to Argentina than Land’s End.

Closer to home though patriotism is at a high for a Jubilee weekend marking the 60th anniversary of Queen Elizabeth’s reign in power. A figurehead who for the most part, assumes power to her elected government. Technically she could abolish it tomorrow if she so willed but there’s more chance of Elvis performing a residency in my kitchen. But if she, or Charles and co. aren’t going to do that any time soon or take part in any form of diplomacy on a political stage, then what’s the point of them? It’s meets and greets and waiting for Prince Philip to make a racial gesture.But as per my earlier point regarding patriotism, it’s funny how we lose all inhibition as soon as we’re reminded of the latest goings on with Kate Middleton and Wills for instance. I have yet to have seen footage of their wedding last year and that’s where my anti-royalist stance began.
Nothing to me says more about being British in 2012 than being a voyeur in the way that they became celebrities.Another reason for justifying my position is that Kings and Queens surely belong in fairy tales. With dungeons and dragons, wizards, unicorns etc. It just feels so dated. Where most of the world have presidents that take on the mantle of a nation we’re lumbered with a German and Greek figurehead. I’ll give them this though – they’re a fine example of racial diversity in British society. The comedian Doug Stanhope did a great routine while aggrieved and embarrassed that George W Bush was in power for seven years whilst him touring Europe, having to be an apologist for the former President, it was nothing compared to a royal family that were virtual figureheads that do nothing.

Why do we at a time of austerity and cuts always manage to find some money left aside for a rainy day to spend on the royals? To me, it feels like paying my taxes to maintaining crown jewels that just sit there. You mean to tell me, that doctors are having their benefits cut and there’ll be more cuts on the way, but the Queen and her family get their way because every monarchist who’s stuck in the past can’t see the bigger picture? But enough about the Tories.

Britain prides itself as being eccentric, drunken, celeb worshiping and celebrating national pride when the occasion rises. It’s not something I’m proud of  and there’s plenty of other things that I do love about this place. Like that family member we have that you know is a bloody nuisance, but you’re proud of anyhow because he’s family. This country can pride itself on being more tolerant than pretty much anywhere else on race, creed, you name it. Just don’t expect me at any street parties this weekend as that’s one thing I consider intolerable.